“Even after studying so much, what happened to you? What are
you doing now? Cleaning baby poop!” My 85-year old grandmother commented. My mother
looked at me nervously, expecting me to react.
Surprisingly, it did not hurt. It was true. Cleaning poop is part of my job description as a Mom. I
had willingly given up my job to be able to enjoy motherhood. I had made a
choice for myself, one that I never regretted. I thoroughly enjoy my time
with my children, knowing that they won’t be so small ever again. Their
innocent eyes make me melt every time I look at them. Their questions and
comments, unaffected by the world of stereotypes and biases make me wonder and
laugh. I am glad I could give them a gift of my time or rather, I should say, I
could gift myself this time with them. I was doing this not only for them, but for myself. Besides, there is always a time when a mother has to
clean her baby’s bum, however educated and highly paid or not she is. I did not feel the need to explain this to her.
The disappointment my grandmother was feeling accentuated
the wrinkles on her face. I could see that behind her remark was her desire to
see her granddaughter doing something more ‘meaningful’ with her life. I could
understand her point of view and she somewhat reminded me of Amitabh Bachchan
in Piku. Not only because she too discusses
her ‘motion’ out loud with my father, but for her asking me not to lose myself
in an attempt to be a good mother. There she was, a petite, wrinkled, octogenarian
asking her granddaughter to leave behind the traditional roles to go conquer
the world.
We were three generations of women in that room. I looked at
my grandmother, my mother and then myself. All three are mothers, two are
grandmothers and one a great-grandmother. Interestingly, I am the only one
among them to have taken a break to be with my kids. My grandmother, was a
physiotherapist of her own making, she was a widowed, single mother playing the
role of father and a mother at a time when most women were limited to the
kitchen and child-rearing.
My own mother, got just one and half months of maternity
leave and managed to work for many years, perfectly juggling her responsibilities
of a mother, wife and daughter-in-law. I still remember her running around the
house every morning to finish her household tasks, before rushing out of the
house with her breakfast of toasted bread in one hand and water still dripping
from her hair, creating a wet patch on her blouse. She wasn’t alone in her
generation to do this. I am sure you would also be able to see similar examples
in your own family. These women refused to be bogged down by their traditional
responsibilities. They did it all with élan and most importantly without
complaint.
If I compare myself to them, I cannot deny that I have it
much better. They worked much longer and harder compared to what I can ever
imagine doing. Most importantly, if they could do it, so can we! I feel we are in
a much better space than they were. We have the advantage of greater support
and understanding. Luckily, Dads are a lot more hands-on than they were
previously. Daycare and pre-school facilities that were non-existent earlier
are easily available now. Corporates too have begun offering extended maternity
leaves up to 5-6 months, along with part-time and work-from-home options. Most
have Diversity programs in place to welcome women into the workforce. There are
support groups, like SHEROES and Mompreneurs which are providing opportunities
for women to get back to work. I don’t think there was a time better than today
for Moms who want to do it all.
Sometimes, what stops us from achieving our full potential
is our own selves. We just need to believe in ourselves and chase our dreams
till they are realized.
“When you want something, all the
universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” – Paulo Coelho
