For the Lovely Ladies (Part 2)

This post is based on my experiences and of a lot of women friends. I hope it will be able to help the wonderful men in our lives understand how we feel about certain things and what they can do to help us. I know they want to (even if to avoid the verbal lashing), but just that they can’t get into our head to understand how we are looking at certain things. Most of the times it is just a difference of perspective and priority.
 

Here are a few gory details about the things that bother a lot of women making them want to bite his head off (just like a lioness) and just so men can get a glimpse of what goes through a woman’s mind. I do not believe that all men do this or that a single man does all of this. I do know that they have a lot of good qualities for which they are loved.

1)      Clothes: Worn clothes including underwear, smelly socks and sweaty vests lying on the floor, just the way you took them off and let them drop to the floor and no it does not make her conjure up images of you looking sexy when you undress, neither does she get intoxicated by your lingering scent. The sight is repulsive!

You probably hob nob with your colleagues and talk about the latest business strategies when she picks up those dirty clothes and drops them in for washing. You work on that important presentation, when your clothes are dried, folded and ironed. When you are in the team huddle they are nicely stacked into your cupboard, fit to be worn again. Every morning they are laid out for you, so you can just slip into them, admire yourself in the mirror and leave for work looking dapper as ever. 

It feels great to wear clean, ironed, nice smelling clothes. If you don’t take care of your own, then please say thank you to the person who takes care of them for you and if it’s not too much to ask then please help in whatever way you can.

2)      The Wet Towel: A used wet towel making itself comfortable on the bed and the mattress soaking in the water from that soggy towel. You may or may not expect anyone to pick after you, but then do you expect the towel to dry itself sitting all crunched up on the bed and be fresh for use the next morning?  

Sometimes she is tempted to leave it there just the way you left it so you can enjoy the stench the next morning. Instead, she puts it out in the sun for drying or for washing. She sometimes wonders if you would ever wash your towel or change your bed sheets if you stayed alone.

3)      Shoes: Your shoes are enormous and no they are not so pretty that you should place them around the house. She fears that someday someone would trip over them. It doesn’t take too much effort to put them back into the rack when you take them off. That would be so kind of you.

 

Also, please don’t walk all over the house with your shoes on, especially if you have come from a place that has dirt or mud. You may have forgotten that a lot of effort is put in everyday to keep the house clean and dust free.

 

4)      Kitchen: The F&B department almost always becomes a woman’s responsibility, as if by default. Even if you have a cook, she regularly thinks about what needs to be bought, cooked and placed on your plate. She ensures you get healthy, warm, variety food for every meal, every day. There are no prizes for doing this. On the contrary, if you can even make a cup of tea you want a hug and a thank you. If you happen to be smart enough to make a meal then it’s a huge thing for which she is expected to be grateful for. Posting it on facebook makes you look hungry, more for appreciation than for the food you made.

 

It doesn’t hurt sometimes to ask if she needs some help or if you can make things simpler for her. Some men would say, “Well, I did not ask her to cook.” You seem to have missed out on the fact that she would like you to have good food. It’s not about survival but living and enjoying. It might have been ingrained somewhere in her mind that “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

 

5)      Home Ministry: She ensures that your house feels like home, everything is clean and in place. In India mostly everyone has maids to clean the house, but managing them is a task in itself and if you have had the chance of staying at home for an extended period of time without your wife you may start to feel the difference soon.

 

Please keep things back in place once you have used them and try to keep it as clean as possible (more on this has already been elaborated in points 1to 3). Ask her if you have any annoying habits, you might be in for a surprise.

 

6)      Child Care: After months of carrying and painfully delivering your baby she takes on the heavier load of child care responsibilities. She stays up nights, feeds, changes dirty diapers and happily takes on the toughest job on earth. She also realizes that her body is no longer how it used to be. Do tell her that she is the most beautiful woman in your eyes, give her a gift, however small, as a token of your appreciation. It’s a roller coaster ride so hold on tight, to each other.

 

There is great joy in bringing up your children. There is nothing more manly than taking full responsibility of your kids, changing dirty diapers, cleaning puke, helping with homework and all. Do give her a break even if she is not asking for it. Trust me she will love you for it.

 

After taking care of the house and baby instead of hearing a few soft words of love and appreciation, she may hear complaints of certain things she missed out on. Did you notice how much she has already done? Maybe she did your share of housework too. If you do not care to thank her at least don’t compare her to another woman who is prettier/ slimmer/ earns more/cooks better. It breaks her heart to pieces, just like a piece of glass falling from a height. Be careful, don’t let the shards come hurtling at you.

 

I know a lot of men reading this might be thinking “I don’t do this” and I agree with you. I know that there are a lot of wonderful men out there who help a lot around the house, they cook, even change poopy diapers and wake up at night to feed the baby and do whatever is needed to keep the house clean and care for the woman in their life. But, if there is something you have been missing out on, then please do think about it. It is incredibly sexy when a man helps around the house and cares for his children. The days when fathers had an extremely limited role at home and in childcare are long gone.
 

Ladies, if you are feeling lucky after reading this since your man takes care of these things, then love him dearly and tell him how wonderful he is. Trust me, there are a lot of other men who do not. Luckily for those in India, we have the luxury of getting paid help. No wonder we love our maids so much. Also, a lot of times helpful in-laws and parents pitch in to take care of the house and children, which is definitely a blessing.

 

At times we take on too much, we all want to be superwomen, do it all. But, do you really have to? We are capable of multi-tasking and actually doing everything, but please don’t do it if it stresses you out. Do as much as you enjoy doing. Take it easy, you need breaks too. It's okay if something is less than perfect. We may expect others to understand our feelings but they are not mind readers. Voice your concerns, ask for help because he might be willing to help you but just doesn’t know if something has been bothering you or how he could help.

 

You do not have to sacrifice yourself for petty household chores. There are many other better things to do life. Do something that makes you happy, even if it is for a few minutes a day. Invest in yourself, your mind, health, soul. See a specialist if something has been a nagging problem. Don’t let anyone or anything steal you happiness. Observe how a happier you makes everyone else around you happy. Life is way too short to live with regrets.

 

Roar on Lioness!

 

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” – Paulo Coelho

For the Lovely Ladies (Part 1)