Meri Sautan

No, I am not saying that my husband has another woman in his life or that he is promiscuous but I do believe that I have a Sautan. My sautan is his badminton buddy who he plays with every morning, the Gujju group of volleyball enthusiasts who take him away from me every Sunday morning, his office parties on Friday nights, his presentation decks that make him work through the night, his work requirements that make him travel for days and even Salman Khan who prefers to shoot for advertisements on weekends, leaving me alone, that too on a Saturday!

Everything that takes him away from me other than his long yet well accepted office hours pinches my heart and I feel envious, just like I would of my husband’s mistress. I am forever hungry for his time, attention and love. I want to grab every minute of him that I can get my hands on! I know, I know…we need space in our relationship, he has work commitments that he needs to fulfil, we need “me” time to stay sane, follow our passions and invest in our health. My brain understands and accepts it but my heart doesn’t.

Most times I let my mind rule over, even having encouraged him to go watch an IPL match at the stadium the day our first baby was born. But today morning watching him get ready to leave for the airport to interview students from IIM-L evoked a different emotion in me. My heart lovingly complained to him about how he had de-prioritized me over the students he was going to meet and his badminton buddy. I threatened to write an open letter to his buddy about the pains of watching my husband nodding off to sleep along with the kids, so he could be up for the game at six in the morning rather than play a different game with me. He burst out laughing listening to all my allegations.

While we all have this sautan taking away a little more of our spouse than we are willing to share, this sautan is a necessary evil and a part of our life. It makes our time together all the more precious. Things that are available in plenty are hardly sought after, those that are scarce are much more valued.

I admire the Ardhanarishwar painting in my mother’s drawing room. It depicts Shiva and Parvati together in one form, inseparable halves of the same body. The ideology behind it makes it more beautiful than the painting itself.