Mother Extraordinaire!

Each mother is just as unique as her own child, but there is one thing that is common across mothers is the purest form of love in her heart, for her child. As a child I had read a story about a mother whose children were taken away and in order to get her children back she had to sacrifice her beautiful long hair, her pretty blue eyes, the rosy colour of her cheeks and she did so happily to get her children back. The story did have a happy ending when she gets re-united with her children. Even though I was just a little girl, that strange story played on my mind for some time and I felt sorry for the mother.

Now, that I am a mother of two myself, I notice all the wonderful mothers around me and some of the mothers remind me of the mother in the story. Some mothers are truly exceptional and extraordinary. These mothers touched my heart and will stay in my thoughts for a long time. A few months ago, I read about a mother who had chosen to donate her twenty-seven-year-old son’s organs who had died in a road accident. She had lost her husband when her son was small and had provided the best she could for him. She donated his organs including his heart to save the life of someone else’s child. While the newspapers had highlighted the high-octane run between the two Chennai hospitals, I was deeply touched by this mother’s pain and courage. Would this mother have given her all like the mother in the story to get her son back? Happily, I am sure. There are many other mothers too who have done the same, and I salute all of you!

Last October, there was a musical concert during Durga Puja at Sushant Lok (Gurgaon). What was unique about the group that was performing was that all the musicians and singers were visually impaired or blind. You may doubt the musical capabilities, but to everyone’s amazement, they performed beautifully, maybe even better than a lot of groups that have the gift of vision. In this group were two brothers, called Hrithik and Roshan, both extremely talented singers. Along with them was their mother, a mother extraordinaire! She was at all times attentive to the needs of her sons, offering water, wiping off beads of sweat from their forehead, guiding them in walking and even holding up their musical notes (in Braille) for them. What was also worth noticing was how happy and cheerful she was and the great friendship she shared with her sons. Would this mother have sacrificed her vision if only it could have been transferred to her sons? Gladly, I believe. I salute you, mother extraordinaire!

I know another extraordinary mother personally, my own paternal grandmother, who lost her husband in her twenties and was left with little money, no employment and a toddler to bring up all alone. A young widow was looked down upon in those days and shunted from the place she knew as home. She left her native village in Bengal and came over to Delhi in the 60’s. With some support from her sister and relatives she brought up her son, in a new city, in the midst of strangers. She learnt physiotherapy and worked as a therapist to earn a living. Each day for her was a struggle for her till her son (my father) was employed. Even till date, when she herself is eighty-five she wants to take care of her son as if he is still a teenager. Would this mother have sacrificed her youth and beauty to make her son happy? Guess what? She did! In her decades long struggle of bringing up her son alone, she never ever thought about herself, let alone her fading youth. She even lost an eye somewhere along the difficult journey. I salute you, mother extraordinaire!

Kudos to all you wonderful mothers! May all your wishes, desires, dreams and hopes for your children come true!

Life is Beautiful!

Writing has been immensely rewarding. It gives me the ability to flex my intellectual muscle and the rewards in the form of compliments I receive feel wonderful. It is pure joy for me when people tell me that they have enjoyed reading it, that it made them feel some emotions. A lot of friends told me that they never knew I could write so well. The honest truth is, that even I did not know that I could and that I would enjoy it so much, even if it is about small incidents from my life which can be easily forgotten with the passage of time. I did think about writing, many a times over the past few years, but actually got down to doing it very recently, only after I fell unconscious after a head injury. I gained consciousness to a new ‘me’.

Only after the incident I felt that I was missing something, that I had to do something other than what I was doing already, that I had to do something selfish, only for myself and if it brings a smile to others, then that is a huge bonus. There is a deep realization within me that there is more to life than the money we earn, the job we hold, the material possessions, the clothes, shoes or mobile phone that we have. Only if we choose to keep ourselves happy, can we make ourselves happy, or our days can be spent looking at life pass us by like we would look at the world from the window of a bus. I notice a lot of people complain and feel angry at a lot of things on a regular basis, life can be easily spent in dissatisfaction too. I am guilt of it too at times, but I try to avoid it as much as possible.

I write my blog to be able to share some thoughts and experiences with all those willing to read, sometimes, I write to my husband, to share some of my innermost thoughts and feelings with him, knowing that I cannot say all that I want to, verbally. I write to my children too, a diary in the form of tiny letters to them, about their growth milestones, about holidays we spent together, about the beautiful moments they have given me, even the things they have broken and how a touch, a kiss, a hug or a few words from them that make my life much richer than it ever could have been. They show me so much every day, that can only be experienced…words and photographs can only capture fragments of it. When I began writing the diary soon after my elder son was born, I could not really pin point as to why I write to him. But, lately, the reasons became clearer to me.

I write to them, so we remember the precious moments we have spent together. They would not remember these beautiful years of their life when they grow up and my memory might get hazy too with time. These letters would act as their external hard drives, so they can enjoy moments from their childhood again, read about themselves and have a good laugh, marvel about their own acts of mischief. Maybe, when they are teenagers or even older, they may disagree/argue with me, question what their mother did for them, they would still know that their mother loves them irrespective of everything else. Lastly, when I am no longer around them, they can still have a little bit of me telling them how much I love them. They will be able to relive the beautiful moments we have spent together as mom and kids.

I feel that we all lead extraordinarily beautiful lives, we just need to believe it and identify that beauty in our lives. Like I said earlier, only if we choose to keep ourselves happy, can we make ourselves happy. Dreams need to be chased, heartfelt desires need to be worked on and feelings need to be communicated.  I also believe that it is essential to celebrate, be it a birthday, an anniversary, all achievements, however small, in whichever way that gives us happiness, be it through a party, or a trip, a private dinner, anything….but it has to be something. Only when we enjoy ourselves can we remember it for long, we would not remember the uneventful, routine days we spent watching life pass us by. It is the special, happy, wonderful moments that make our lives worth living, and these moments need us to make them memorable.

“Memories have to be made in order to remember them. Make some really good ones every day!”

                                                                                                                               -          Doe Zantamata

 

Who's the Boss?

Over my eight years of working in corporates I have had the pleasure of working with a variety of people and a number of bosses. Luckily for me most of them were genuinely nice people who were concerned about the well-being and growth of their team but some of them were a little less than nice and there are reasons or instances due to which they left a special signature on the pages of my corporate life diary. I am sure you came across some of them too or are yet to come across some of them if you happen to embark on a corporate journey. Here are a few categories I could think of:

The Gyani Baba: In a way, they are the corporate mini version of Baba Ramdev. They love the sound of their own voices. They are full of stories from their hay days on the ‘front’, love to show off their 'battle scars' and share their ‘stories’. They are sometimes interesting to listen to but when their stories get repeated the subordinates are nodding just to win some brownie points. They have an air of pride around them and demand respect. They may be great to listen to at the forty thousand feet level or more when they try to give you ‘strategic’ advice and share some 'thought capital', but when you come back to your desk, you are as clueless as you were before you decided to speak to them. Or worse, you get more confused than you ever were.

The Dictator: This type of boss is the hard task master and a nightmare to work with. They believe that a dedicated worker is the one that spends long hours in office, and likes to get his subordinates to do and re-do tasks till they are brain dead. They are aiming for perfection and in the process don’t mind their subordinates burning the midnight oil and themselves in the process. If their final deliverable is good or they are skilled at managing their stakeholders, then they are considered to be the best kind of managers by the leadership. They are hated by their juniors, but alas, you don’t get to choose your boss and if they give you a good rating, you forgive them too.

The Empty Vessel: This is the funniest type of boss I have come across. They have no in-depth knowledge and more often their juniors know better than them and that makes them insecure and act out in ways that can only make the situation worse for them. They like to pretend that they are knowledgeable but in reality they just try to use a few jargons to sound intelligent. These empty vessels make a LOT of noise.

The Devil: A lethal combination of the Dictator and an Empty Vessel is the worst you can have. They are indeed the Devil incarnate (remember "The Devil wears Prada"?). They do not like any viewpoint other than their own, imprison your freedom, stifle your creativity and make you update your CV on job sites. You learn over time that any discussion with them is a waste of time. Worst is when they lack basic etiquette and feel that their subordinates should be treated like slaves and not intelligible human beings who are capable of great work with the right kind of guidance and encouragement.

The Meethi Churi: They are the bosses that seem to be nice on the surface, they are the sweet talkers and often the ‘people’s person’ and very well networked, but the danger with such bosses is that you don’t get to know when they are going to screw up your rating or take away some credit that is due to you. They are not genuinely concerned about their team, but are looking to get under the leadership limelight. Underneath that  pleasant mask is a sharp toothed shark. Watch out, before they bite!

God forbid if your boss happens to be some weird combination of the above!

I know, you are remembering a few names and smiling! Have a good weekend! Or whatever your boss lets you have. ;-)

Cheers to Corporate Life!

You may also enjoy reading a similar post on The Corporate Life! Please do let me know if you have had the privilege of some other distinct species of bosses.

Frustrating Motherhood

Have you heard a mother tell you how frustrating, tiring, testing and maddening motherhood is? Most probably not and if you are a mother yourself, maybe you know exactly what I am talking about. Before I became a mother I always had the perception that motherhood was about a cute little baby, the awesome heart-warming lovey-dovey feeling of holding your child in your arms, watching them walk, babble and how wonderful they looked on the first day of school. Well, to be fair, it is indeed all of that but for some strange reason everyone forgets to tell you about the other not-so awesome things it involves. It’s like a very well-kept secret, a well-orchestrated conspiracy to not tell prospective parents how painful parenting is.

What I had completely missed out on and learnt through experience is that motherhood is also about unending sleepless nights, continuous worrying, bottle cleaning, smelly poop changing, dealing with tantrums, flu, fever and runny noses, teething problems and in the process you let go off a lot of your independence, feel your equation with your spouse changing, experience the worst kind of suffocation and get driven up the wall sometimes. For some it even involves making drastic career or life changes.

Essentially, the woman who became a mother ceases to exist, at least for some time. Not to forget, pregnancy and birthing itself hijacks her body and leaves behind scars for life. Except for few women who are extremely lucky, her body transforms into that of an older woman. Caring for one’s own self often takes a backseat and you watch yourself age at an accelerated pace.

I have also witnessed how Moms tend to feel the burden much more than the dads. Well, the new age dads are often more involved than their predecessor dads but still it is the mother who is feeling guilty and beating herself up for not being the ‘best mother’ or living up to the perception she has of an ‘ideal mother’. The ‘ideal mother’ is always just a few steps ahead of what she is, so the ‘real mother’ is never really exceeding expectations. In her own eyes, she is almost always an under performer.

In the days of our mommies, the standards and practices of parenting were different and extended families were active partners in child rearing, with grandmothers and aunts filling in. I am sure that generation had their own fair share of problems but I feel that in today’s day when families are mostly nuclear the challenge for mommies has increased. The practices that were employed by our parents have largely gone out of style. The behaviours for which we had earned a whack or a harsh scolding as children now demand calm and constructive counselling from us as parents. Even when the new age mommy tries to look for answers online to some simple parenting questions there are multiple opinions from a plethora of experts which sometimes makes it even worse for the already troubled parent. You learn how to be a parent every day, on the job, often through trial-and-error.

So, dear friend if you are not a parent already, please think long and hard about it before embarking on the scariest roller coaster ride of your life. It’s definitely comparable to getting a tattoo on your face. Life will never be the same again once you become a parent. Do not give in to parental and societal pressures for procreating at all costs. None of those advisers are going to stay up nights for you. If and when you feel that you are ready to enter the parenting battle-zone should you do so. And if you are already on the same boat as me, please hang in there and keep telling the world how truly wonderful it is to be parents and post some pictures that show how angelic they are!