Touched by God on Shivratri

Today being Shivratri, a lot of Hindus visit the temple to offer milk, water, flowers, fruits and Lord Shiva’s favourite Bael leaves, Bhang and Dhatura. Somehow, I do not enjoy visiting temples on special days since it gets too crowded and noisy with devotees rushing to get their share of blessings first. Visiting a temple on festivals is akin to visiting stores offering big discounts. People enter in hordes, offer their prayers in a rush while jostling for space and then leave content with Prasad in their hands.  Some even push and elbow others to make their way first, yes, even the seemingly ‘educated’ and ‘cultured’ ones.

While I also visit the temple, I don’t always feel touched by divinity on these ‘special’ days. I much rather enjoy visiting temples on the “non-offer days” when there are few people in the temple. It has mostly been on those occasions that I experienced much greater peace, energy and joy, when I could pray as much or as little as I wanted to without having to save my toes from being crushed or getting nudged in the ribs.

Sometimes, I also experience divinity outside the temple. Last year, while purchasing flowers, bhang and dhatura from a woman sitting outside the temple, I saw a lady, dressed in a crisp white salwar kameez, probably in her early sixtees get off her Honda City, rush to the makeshift flower shop. There was a sense of urgency about the way she went about selecting what all she wanted.

“Kitne hue?” she demanded.

“Tees Rupaye (Rs.30)”, said the flower lady.

“TEES Rupaye!” The woman complained about the exorbitant price and claimed that what the lady was selling was probably not even worth ten. She dropped her basket of flowers and leaves angrily and got up to leave.

“Kya hua Mataji? Bhagwan ke liye le rahe ho, le jao”, the poor, most likely uneducated woman said politely.

I don’t remember the prayers I said that day, but I shall remember this instance for sure.

Today, I chose to go to a temple slightly towards the village, accompanied by my two little boys, I hoped for less people at the temple. My elder son spotted a balloon vendor outside and demanded one. I promised to buy him a balloon once we came out of the temple.

Although it was crowded with people mostly from the village it was well organized. I managed to get my three minutes with the Lord and came out without getting nudged, poked or stepped upon. Happily, I bought the balloon I had promised. Within a few minutes, even before we got to our car, the balloon burst. The other small children around him laughed. Before my son’s eyes could well up with tears I took him to the balloon vendor again.

“Bhaiya, wo to phoot gaya. Dusra de do” I said. Immediately, he handed me another one with a smile and refused to take money for it. Only after much insistence he took it.

Sometimes we are touched by God inside a temple, but mostly, outside it.

What I Learnt From My Grandmother

In a home with working parents, my grandmother was my companion and caregiver from the day I was born. She did everything that a parent would and maybe even more. Apart from the usual things, she taught me Bengali poems, ensured I learnt dancing and singing and forever kept a watchful eye on me. As a little girl, I ran to her for comfort and every night I fell asleep with her hand on my back, breathing in her cool scent while listening to Bengali folk stories. With her passing away, I lost my childhood companion.

The day she passed away, my four year old son was miserably sick with dengue and I found myself torn between the ‘granddaughter’ and the ‘mother’ that I am. I felt as I could not even fully mourn her loss. As the days and weeks passed I kept thinking about her and even now sometimes it is hard to believe that she is not here with us in person. I also realize that her beliefs, teachings and blessings will always be with us. I can often recall her voice and even the phrases she would have used for certain situations.

From her, I learnt many things and here are a few I thought I will share with all my friends and family:

 Invest in your Health: Even up to her early eighties, my grandmother exercised every morning and strictly stuck to her routine meal timings. Even with age, she never gained any weight and maintained herself at 40kgs. She never suffered from diabetes or high blood pressure either. Her morning cup of tea included four teaspoons of sugar! 

Eat Well: Although she ate small portions and at fixed timings, she was particular about the food she ate. She was an excellent cook and prepared various delicacies and even her ‘khichdi’ tasted better than a lot of ‘biryanis’ available in the market. She had a special dish for every occasion and festival which she made herself till a few years ago.

The Fighting Spirit: She was strong willed and having single handedly brought up my father, she had learnt never to give up. She always encouraged everyone to work hard and move ahead in life.

Immense Love for your Children: Her love for her only child, my father was exemplary. Even when my father was turning sixty and she was over eighty, she went to sleep only after ensuring that he had returned home. To me, her primary parenting advice was, ‘Love your children whole heartedly’.

 
Speak Your Mind: She always expressed her thoughts openly. If she disliked something, she said it upfront. This sometimes made others unhappy or angry but her feelings were never hidden, be it praise or criticism. Sometimes, her words were bitter but at least she was not hiding behind a mask of falsehood.

I shall always feel my grandmother’s presence with me. Only the physical form wither, the person stays alive with us forever.

You may also enjoy reading another post on her I wrote earlier: Mother Extraordinaire

The Best Gift Ever!

With my birthday coming up, I am reminiscent of my previous birthday and the year that has gone by for me. Just a day before my previous birthday, I went to my office to hand over my laptop and bid farewell to my colleagues. It was the first time in my life I was going to be unemployed and unoccupied by a desk job or studies. For the first time in my life, I had nothing planned. I had not thought about what I was going to do or if I would ever join back into the corporate world. To be honest, I welcomed this unusual break. All through my life I had either been studying or working and for the first time I nothing on my hands that would use my intellectual capacity, force me think critically or strategically.

I had continued to work after the birth of my first child four years ago. I was struggling, yet juggling my job and my baby, getting crushed in between. But, now with the birth of my second child, I wanted to give myself a chance to enjoy motherhood, to stop being the superwoman I wasn’t. However, for some strange reason I felt I needed a laptop. My husband suggested an I-pad or tab since that would make it easy for me to browse through and read things online but for some reason I insisted on a laptop, maybe because I had always had one for the past decade of my life.

My parents had been keen to gift me a pair of earrings on the birth of my second child but I asked them not to buy one. I could see no use for another pair of earrings that would sit pretty, locked in the cupboard. Instead, I asked them to gift me a laptop. I just wanted something basic and comfortable, but my father, who loves gadgets choose to buy me one of the best ones in the market and gifted it to me on my birthday and I must say it’s the best gift ever, way better than the best diamonds. After all, it’s not just a laptop, it’s my window to escape into an all new world, whenever I wish to. It is my key to freedom. It allows me to dive into the all new world of writing and I swim through words to explore this new world.

A thought may occur to me, but its only when I sit down in front of the laptop, does the thought leap to take form. It’s only when I type, my thoughts take shape, just like water coming out of a fountain, soaring high and then touching the earth, with droplets scattering all over, like little pearls. It is only through this that I have been able to touch so many lives, bring tears and smiles to people around me, people I may or may not even know. Most importantly, it has allowed me to find a new passion, to learn new things, to play with words, to lose myself and discover a new me.

Thank you Papa and Ma for this beautiful gift! Last year, this was just a laptop, now it is a lot more!

Who's the Boss?

Over my eight years of working in corporates I have had the pleasure of working with a variety of people and a number of bosses. Luckily for me most of them were genuinely nice people who were concerned about the well-being and growth of their team but some of them were a little less than nice and there are reasons or instances due to which they left a special signature on the pages of my corporate life diary. I am sure you came across some of them too or are yet to come across some of them if you happen to embark on a corporate journey. Here are a few categories I could think of:

The Gyani Baba: In a way, they are the corporate mini version of Baba Ramdev. They love the sound of their own voices. They are full of stories from their hay days on the ‘front’, love to show off their 'battle scars' and share their ‘stories’. They are sometimes interesting to listen to but when their stories get repeated the subordinates are nodding just to win some brownie points. They have an air of pride around them and demand respect. They may be great to listen to at the forty thousand feet level or more when they try to give you ‘strategic’ advice and share some 'thought capital', but when you come back to your desk, you are as clueless as you were before you decided to speak to them. Or worse, you get more confused than you ever were.

The Dictator: This type of boss is the hard task master and a nightmare to work with. They believe that a dedicated worker is the one that spends long hours in office, and likes to get his subordinates to do and re-do tasks till they are brain dead. They are aiming for perfection and in the process don’t mind their subordinates burning the midnight oil and themselves in the process. If their final deliverable is good or they are skilled at managing their stakeholders, then they are considered to be the best kind of managers by the leadership. They are hated by their juniors, but alas, you don’t get to choose your boss and if they give you a good rating, you forgive them too.

The Empty Vessel: This is the funniest type of boss I have come across. They have no in-depth knowledge and more often their juniors know better than them and that makes them insecure and act out in ways that can only make the situation worse for them. They like to pretend that they are knowledgeable but in reality they just try to use a few jargons to sound intelligent. These empty vessels make a LOT of noise.

The Devil: A lethal combination of the Dictator and an Empty Vessel is the worst you can have. They are indeed the Devil incarnate (remember "The Devil wears Prada"?). They do not like any viewpoint other than their own, imprison your freedom, stifle your creativity and make you update your CV on job sites. You learn over time that any discussion with them is a waste of time. Worst is when they lack basic etiquette and feel that their subordinates should be treated like slaves and not intelligible human beings who are capable of great work with the right kind of guidance and encouragement.

The Meethi Churi: They are the bosses that seem to be nice on the surface, they are the sweet talkers and often the ‘people’s person’ and very well networked, but the danger with such bosses is that you don’t get to know when they are going to screw up your rating or take away some credit that is due to you. They are not genuinely concerned about their team, but are looking to get under the leadership limelight. Underneath that  pleasant mask is a sharp toothed shark. Watch out, before they bite!

God forbid if your boss happens to be some weird combination of the above!

I know, you are remembering a few names and smiling! Have a good weekend! Or whatever your boss lets you have. ;-)

Cheers to Corporate Life!

You may also enjoy reading a similar post on The Corporate Life! Please do let me know if you have had the privilege of some other distinct species of bosses.

Why I Don’t Watch Horror

My husband enjoys watching movies and he has a special love for horror flicks and movies with lots of ugly creatures. You ask him and he has seen it all. Be it Blade, Conjuring, Evil Dead, Exorcist, Mama, Ragini MMS, Sleepy Hollow and many more…I do watch a few but I refuse to watch the creepier ones. He would often ask me why but I never give him much of an answer, because there is no short answer to it and I never want to confess that they really scare the hell out of me, I think about them for days and torment myself unnecessarily. So the best way to save myself from the agony is to avoid watching them.
 

Once I happened to watch one of these movies and I went through hell for the next few days. Since I watched the movie in the afternoon I thought it won’t bother me at night since I would have forgotten about it by then. I was wrong! The moment my kids and husband slept, my mind recalled the scenes from the movie. I was scared of even entering the bathroom that night. To make things worse, my toddler casually commented, while looking out of the window that evening, “Pedh me red juju hai!”

 

Below are some of the scenarios built up by my imaginative mind that night.

1)      What if someone or rather something was outside our bedroom window, they could easily see us from in between the curtains, especially with the night lamp on. I looked out and even imagined a red eyed monster staring in.

 

2)      I closed my eyes, then my mind showed me the cupboard doors opening slowly and a black creature crawling out of it onto the bedroom floor, complete with claws, sharp teeth, drool and all.

 

3)      What if I had left the bathroom window open? Something could just fly in like a harmless cloud of smoke and turn into a white faced demon or something wicked could just crawl and pounce the moment I opened the bathroom door. What if it hid behind the shower curtain and waited for me to shut the door before attacking.

 

4)      What if a vampire came into our home, they have so much strength and they could easily break open the bedroom door. Our door locks would not stand a chance. I looked at the door handle almost expecting it to turn. Thankfully, it did not.

 

5)      To make my fears worse I heard the cabinet in the other room creak open. My eyes opened wide and my ears were on the alert. I had stopped breathing. In the silence of the night, every sound can be heard clearly. Thankfully, noting followed.

 

I even remembered the time when I was 9 years old and had watched a part of Predator 2. I cried that night while my grandmother kept stroking my hair to console me.

 

Again, that night I was unable to sleep and I just could not take it anymore. I held my sleeping husband tight and rested my head on his arm. He opened his eyes partially with a big question mark on his face. I just kept my arms wrapped tightly around him till I drifted off to sleep, calmed by his distinct scent and the warmth of his body next to me. I promised to never watch any of these movies again, night or day!

It happened one day

Last year was a year of change for us. We moved house, welcomed our younger son into our family and I decided to quit my job to be able to devote more time to my children and enjoy motherhood. When my elder son was born I was working full time and I often found myself stretched between my newborn child and by job.  With the two of them, I felt it would be best to focus my attention on my children since they were going to be so small only once and it is now that they needed me the most. I did not want to miss out on these beautiful days. Moreover, an employee is always replaceable, a mother, probably not.
 

Currently, I am a stay-at-home mom who takes care of her kids (with support from our maid) and my husband is the other adult in the house with a demanding corporate job. When he is at home in the evenings and on weekends, he would often play with the kids and ensure I got a much needed break from by 24x7 double mommy role, which on a lot of days is strenuous enough to make any corporate job look like a dream.

 

It was a usual Saturday morning in the month of June, my husband and I were sitting at the dining table, enjoying some uninterrupted time since both the kids were peacefully sleeping, evaluating the different breakfast options we had for the day, we finally decided to have some dosas but we needed some curd to prepare the premix. I volunteered to walk down to the small store in our apartment complex to get it. It was an opportunity for me to get some fresh morning air and a short walk.

On the way to the store I noticed a langur (leaf monkey) sitting on the neem tree. He was tied to the tree with a long rope. He was probably on guard to scare away any wild monkeys that may have been visiting the locality. I thought about giving him a banana later in the day when my 3-year-old woke up, so my son could watch the langur eating a banana.

 

At the store I bought curd and just when I was about to leave I noticed that the fresh supply of fruits and vegetables had just arrived. I was tempted to buy some fresh yellow bananas for my baby who had recently started eating solids. I was buying other things while they were unloading the fresh supplies. I saw that while taking out the pack of bananas, the box opened from the bottom and the whole bunch of bananas landed on the ground.

 

I was wondering if the bananas would be damaged and if it still was a good idea to buy them, but I put my doubts to rest and asked the shopkeeper to give me a few from the side that was not damaged. I happened to get a call at that time and did not look closely at the fruits he handed over to me. I was done purchasing what I needed and walked back home.

Once I reached home I noticed that the bananas were all torn and definitely unfit for my baby’s consumption. I decided to go at once and get it replaced. My husband asked me to go later and even offered to go himself but I insisted on going myself. I again made my way to the store, noticed the langur on the neem tree and made sure I was walking a little further away from where he was, especially since I was carrying bananas.

The shopkeeper replaced the bananas and I started walking back to the house, looking forward to eating dosas, waking up my son to show him the langur. I waited to cross the area near the main exit carefully since it usually has a lot of cars passing by (and the cab drivers in Gurgaon cannot be trusted). I was looking to my right to watch out for any cars.

Once I crossed the road I looked to my left and was shocked to see the langur who had earlier been on the tree now sitting right there on the pavement, very near to where I was. I had not noticed him earlier and realized I was in a bad spot carrying his favorite food, I decided to move away, but before I could move a muscle, he leaped at me, baring his yellow teeth at me. I screamed in fear as I was sure that I was about to be bitten!

The next thing I remembered was that I was being helped to my feet. I could not open my eyes and my legs seemed to have turned to jelly. I could only hear a few voices. In a few minutes I was standing but for some reason I could not lift my head straight. My body was numb. I started mumbling my house number so that someone could call my husband, but to my surprise he was already there, supporting me to stand.

 
Someone who had seen me fall asked us to get into his car so I could be taken to the hospital. Just when I was getting into the car, I realized that the children were at home without either parent. As I started thinking about them, tears rolled down my cheeks, especially my younger son, who had been largely dependent on me throughout his existence of 7 months for nourishment, care and love.
 
He had been spending most of his waking hours either in my lap or on my left hip with my arm curled around him while I did anything around the house. He is the kind of baby that cries whenever he sees his mother putting him down or going out of the room. For some strange reason, that very morning I was talking about starting bottle feeding him to reduce his complete dependence on me.

On the way to the hospital, I heard my husband speaking to my mother about the bad cut on the back of my head. It’s only then that I felt some pain and the blood trickling down my neck, soaking the back of my t-shirt. I also got to know that I had been unconscious for a few minutes.

In the emergency room, my hubby dearest was always by my side. When the surgeon administered local anesthesia around the wound before stitching, I found it to be more painful than the spinal anesthesia given to me before both my C-sections. When the doctor asked my husband to leave the place I resisted and held his hand tightly. I was in terrible pain throughout the suturing process and cried unashamed like a small child.

Soon after, I vomited, which made the doctors doubt if I had any internal brain injuries and was promptly sent for a CT scan. I noticed how all eyes were on me when I was getting wheeled in to the scanning section, looking at the bandage around my head and the blood stained clothes. Some people waiting outside the scanning area were asking my husband about how I got injured.

 

After the scan we went back to the emergency section and were waiting for my scan report. It was a tense moment. Suddenly, my husband started telling me about the guy who was speaking to him. He had asked my husband “Sar pe chot lagi hai?” While in reality he just nodded and was in no mood to get into the details of how and when, he told me what he really wanted to say, “Nahi, bas style marne ke liye madam ne bandage bandha hai”. We both laughed about it and I simultaneously fell in love with him a little more knowing that only he could make me laugh in the worst of situations.

 

Thankfully, the reports was fine and I was allowed to go back home. Later, I thought about the whole incident, I was thankful that that I was fine, it could have been much worse. Luckily I did not get scratched or bitten by the monkey or run over by a car, thankfully my bones were not broken and because of everyone’s blessings I was not in a coma. This accident made me think about the fragility of human life, the thin line between life and death.

I looked back at the sequence of events of that Saturday morning and had even one thing been different, I would not have been hurt. Had I not chosen to go out myself, not bought the bananas, looked at the bananas before heading home or not gone back to change it again at the same time, this would have probably never happened. But, I guess it had to happen.

 

I remembered the uneasy feeling before getting into the car to go to the hospital. It’s the same feeling that you get when you have unfinished business. At one point in time I thought about how life would change for the ones who love me if something serious would have happened to me.

I strongly felt the need to fulfill my dreams, to bring up my children who are so dependent on me at this stage of their lives, felt the desire to see them as grown up men, to grow old hand in hand with my husband, to express how much I love the special people in my life.

 

Among one of my dreams is my dream to write, to be a published author and I realize time is precious, time is running out just like the way it does in an hour glass, so I have started writing and sharing my thoughts, beautiful moments from my life that make life worth living with those closest to me and with everyone else willing to read.

 

I urge you to not wait for another day before working towards realizing your dreams, do not let today pass you by, do something that you have been wanting to do for a long time, invest in yourself, do something that you love doing however small it may be, express what you want to express, tell the people you love how much you love them. Do not let the sands of time slip through cause you never know what is going to happen tomorrow and yes, please be careful around wild animals.